NOTE
The diet plans below are
matched to particular lifestyles and
personalities. The
colors in the left side panels correspond to
one of the four clusters of
lifestyle/personality mix that are
determined from our online
PsychoStyle Inventory.
Frozen Food Diet
Frozen Food Diet
The basis of any rational diet plan is to burn off more calories than
you take in. Exercise is the typical means of increasing the rate of calorie
expenditure. Sure, you can walk a mile and burn an additional 60 Calories
per hundred pounds body weight, but why spend your time exercising when there is a better
way? That's where the Frozen Food Diet
comes in. It's easy, it's simple and it's foolproof.
Here's how the Frozen Food Diet works: Simply prepare your meals ahead of time, then freeze
them. When you are ready to eat, just pry them out of your freezer, unwrap
your portion, chip off a chunk and enjoy. It's that easy!
By using the caloric energy necessary to
heat up the food to a temperature where it can be masticated and
swallowed, you'll be burning as many calories as if you were at the gym.
Barbara
Chapman from Las Cruces, New Mexico is seen here selecting a delicious
serving of frozen Beef Wellington for her family. All she has to do is
merely remove the wrapping, add a little watercress garnish and her family
can chip right in.*
"It's not a big step from iced tea and ice cream," says Barbara, "to iced
tacos and ice
pizza."
Just like the Chapmans, you and your family can now spend your time in front of the TV
instead of on a treadmill.
For more information about purchasing a Frozen Food Diet plan,
contact us.
* Your results may vary.
Full Fear Diet
Full Fear Diet
Diet professionals agree that perspiring is a simple, safe and
effective way to lose weight and keep that weight off.
But to achieve significant perspiration, your choices have been limited. You
could squeeze into uncomfortably crowded saunas, sit in steam baths of questionable
hygiene or wear unsightly body wraps... until now!
Fat Chance Diets is the first to bring
you a revolutionary new and proven way to really sweat pounds away: fear.
That's
right! Fear can make you sweat more than you ever could under artificial
conditions.
If you've ever been caught in a gun battle, been attacked by
a wild animal, threatened to be thrown from a moving train or called to
testify in your own defense, then you know the reaction your body has to
fear. It undergoes significant changes. Your heart rate increases, your
breathing becomes shallow and there is a
rapid rise in your body temperature, which triggers your body to perspire—losing
loads weight* in the process!
That's where the Full Fear Diet comes
in. Approximately once a month, you'll be the recipient of a
Full Fear Diet "event."
Depending on the information you provide to one of our diet counselors, that
event could be a
box of poisonous spiders released in your bed, a threatening message from
your ex left on your
answering machine, the cops stopping your car, your boss assigning you to
be the keynote speaker at the next corporate meeting or any of a thousand
other scary situations. (One of our
clients beads up at the mere thought of vacationing with Dr. Laura Schlessinger.)
Any of the events we schedule for you is sure to trigger massive sweating.
But because you never know when the event will happen, you are constantly
ih fear, constantly perspiring—literally washing away pounds—day in and day out while waiting for
the next event.
For more information about purchasing a Full Fear
Diet plan,
contact us.
* Your results may vary.
Ink Jet Diet
Ink Jet Diet
If you are interested in a high-tech solution to dieting, the
Ink Jet
Diet may be just the ticket. You can use any brand of ink jet
printer along with special paper and special calorie injected ink available
exclusively from Fat Chance Diets.
Simply
print out a description of any fabulous tasting meal—and
then eat it. It is that simple.
For instance, if you are restricting your calories to under 1700
per day, just enter that information into your computer, press
print, and voila! Your printer delivers three full-course meals and three
between-meal snacks all in delicious full color. All you do is tear or
crumple up the pictures and eat them. You'll be amazed at how fast the
pounds disappear.*
No need to shop. No need to mess up your kitchen. No clean up necessary.
But wait! There's more! Not only are the inks calibrated to dispense just the right amount of
calories, they are packed with nutrients—all the vitamins and minerals
you need for a healthy diet and plenty high in fiber.
Both the inks and the paper come in variety of flavors including French, Italian, Chinese,
Indian, and Tex-Mex. (British paper and ink are on closeout special.)
For more information about purchasing an Ink Jet
Diet plan,
contact us.
* Your results may vary.
Iraqi
Prison Diet
Iraqi Prison Diet
The Iraqi Prison Diet was developed as a partnership among the United
States Army, the International Brotherhood of Prison Cafeteria Workers, the
United Baker's Association, and the Aquanutrient Group. The Army and prison
cafeteria workers provided expertise in food preparation, while the bakers
and aquanutritionists
supplied the main ingredients (bread and water) upon
which the diet is based.
This has become one of our most popular plans ever
since former tyrant Saddam Hussein appeared in an Iraqi courtroom to
demonstrate that one can change from political strongman to buff
spokesmodel with a balanced diet and simple confinement.*
As a matter of fact, the United States Federal Penitentiary in Dexter,
Maine, the Paulo Sarasate prison in Ceará, Brazil, and all 441 prisons in
Indonesia are converting their facilities from penal institutions to diet
centers.
For more information about purchasing an Iraqi Prison Diet plan,
contact us.
* Your results may vary.
Laughter Diet
Laughter Diet
Laughter, it is said, is the best medicine. It is also makes for a great
diet.
The
Laughter Diet works in four ways to help
you lose weight.
First, because it is impossible to eat and laugh at the same time, laughter prevents the consumption of calories.
Secondly, laughter can actually cause one to expel calories that have been
ingested and are in line to be processed. Just ask any beer chugging, college freshman who
has blown brew out of his nose during a joke's punch line.
Next, laughter increases your heart rate, your breathing rate, your body
core temperature, and your skin's electrical potential, all of which significantly elevate the
rate of caloric burn.*
Finally, in rare but documented cases, laughers have been able to purge
themselves of recently consumed calories as well as calories that have long
since been stored as abdominal fat. This phenomenon can occur on the
occasion of the delivery of an extremely funny joke and is known among in
layman's terms as "busting a gut laughing." In approximately 40
cases a year, this becomes a literal
event.
For more information about purchasing a Laughter
Diet plan,
contact us.
* Your results may vary.
Official NBA
Diet
Official Nothing But Artichoke (NBA) Diet
We all know the value of eating leafy, green vegetables. And within this
category, artichokes are among the tastiest—as
well as the most fun to eat. Artichokes are a good source of
vitamin C, folate and potassium. They are low in sodium, fat-free and a
12-ounce "choke" is
only 25
calories.
Artichokes have always been popular with the California fitness set, and
following the publication of Artichokes: The Perfect Diet Food in
2003, this odd vegetable has seen even greater demand.
Now the town council of Castroville, California, the undisputed artichoke capital of the world, has introduced what it calls the
Official Nothing But Artichoke Diet (Official
NBA Diet for short).
This diet is just what it sounds like. For three weeks, a dieter eats nothing but artichokes. Artichokes for breakfast. Artichokes for
lunch. Artichokes for dinner. And for snacks? Artichokes.
Though you are probably saying to yourself,
"This diet is too good to be true," it is true. People have reported a weight
loss of up to 35 pounds in only 21 days by eating as much of these peculiar
vegetables as they could hold down.*
For more information about purchasing an Official NBA Diet plan,
contact us.
* Your results may vary.
Super-Oxygen
Diet
Super-Oxygen Diet
When it comes to living life to the fullest, there is no substitute for
oxygen. The same can be said about losing weight: Oxygen plays an
all-important role.
Demographic studies show that people who live at elevations above 7200 feet
are three to four times as likely to be
overweight
as those who live at see level. This phenomena is further evidenced by a
study commissioned by the National Park Service that found that rangers
assigned to work at Death Valley National Park (282 feet below sea level)
are even 26 percent thinner than those who reside at elevations between sea
level and 400 feet.
Although not all of this weight differential can be attributed to
differences in oxygen availability, the evidence is clear that the thinner
the air, the fatter the population.
The Super-Oxygen Diet capitalizes on
this phenomenon by supplying oxygen therapy to people who live "at
elevation." Through a regimen of daily oxygen treatments, where a clear
plastic bubble is placed over the face at mealtimes, people have watched
their weight tumble by dozens of pounds in only a few days.*
For more information about purchasing a Super-Oxygen Diet plan,
contact us.
* Your results may vary.
Wine Diet
Wine Diet
The concept behind the Wine Diet is uncannily simple.
First begin the preparation of each evening meal by opening a bottle of
inexpensive Chardonnay, Merlot or Pino Grigio. Then while preparing the meal,
sip often from the uncapped spirits until the bottle is empty.
Once you find yourself on the kitchen floor puking your guts out, you will
notice that your appetite has been severely depressed, and it is time to
simply go to bed.*
In the morning you are unlikely to want to be even within sight of food,
much less able to hold it down. By the afternoon you may be able to tolerate
some Melba toast and cottage cheese. And by dinnertime you will probably
feel pretty chipper again.
In case you haven't figured it out, the diet plans, books, supplements
and products presented here are fiction and
should not be employed in any way.
Their presentation is intended for entertainment only. Please read our
disclaimer.
That's
right! Fear can make you sweat more than you ever could under artificial
conditions.
supplied the main ingredients (bread and water) upon
which the diet is based.
The
Laughter Diet works in four ways to help
you lose weight.
only 25
calories.
overweight
as those who live at see level. This phenomena is further evidenced by a
study commissioned by the National Park Service that found that rangers
assigned to work at Death Valley National Park (282 feet below sea level)
are even 26 percent thinner than those who reside at elevations between sea
level and 400 feet.
